mlah The “culture” that has evolved here isn’t conducive to sissies

January 26, 2008


Filed under: Humor — mlah @ 12:13 pm

Finjan of Algerian Coffee

So I went out last night with Roxanne.

Roxanne is OPP. So she is off limits. I actually do have morals.

We started the night off by going to the riverwalk for dinner. It was cold outside so the riverwalk was pretty much deserted. There were still people around, but pretty much, everyone was inside. That meant not having to worry about getting knocked into the water by a large crowd.

We walked the riverwalk for a bit and settled on Michelinos. We had cheesy garlic bread, and caprese salad, I had shrimp scampi over pasta, and she had some nice chicken linguine. We couldn’t even begin to finsih it all. Oh, margaritas, followed by cappucino, and then Irish coffee.

Next we journeyed up topside and went to the movies in the rivercenter mall. We saw “Meet the Spartans”. It was a little funny, but only because we were both about half lit.

Then we were kind of ready to go and on the way to the car, we stopped at Coyote Ugly. I got charged extra because I was wearin g a bright yellow jacket. As we stood in the bar, watching the chicks dance on the bar, people kept staring at my jacket. Roxanne made fun of me for it. But there we were, pretty much just standing there, watching girls dance on the bar.

And I had an idea.
We left. And resumed our trek to my car in my secret parking place downtown. It has always been open, and I have had to pay only once…..

We tried to go into Pat O’Briens but we were apparently going in through the out door. But I wasn’t exactly really enthused about the prospect of standing around. Again.

Sidenote. I usually enjoy the typical English pub type bar. You can relax, hang out with friend and talk to some new folks if you feel like it. It’s a little quieter. You have darts and some other things to do. The trendy little dance meat markets just don’t do it for me.

So we headed out. And went to “Perfect Tens”, or “PTs” as it is locally known. It is a lot like an English pub, except the chicks dance sans clothing.

Roxanne imbided more drinks. And as I had done a lot of the paying for our nightly excursions thusfar, she insisted on paying. She started a tab, which required the Roxy credit card and military id. I only include that tidbit of information as it will important later.

We had a couple of shots. Her more than I, because I was driving, and as it turned out, my sobriety would payoff later in the night. And finally towards closing time, we had a couple of dancers over. Good thing too, as we were noth enamored of our chosen dancer.

We had fun and talked shit.

And then the bar closed. Roxanne setlled and we were off for breakfast. But wait! I wanted to make sure drunk Roxanne had everything. And good thing. Her cc and id were awol. So we went back inside the now closed bar and talked to the bartender.

Now I have run a few tabs in my lifetime. In various establishments. Many types. Couple of different continents. One thing they always have in common is that the credit card ALWAYS stays at the bar. Until you settle. Roxy had settled. No cc. No id. Bartender didn’t have them. And she (bartender) went on a mission. Her purpose makes me believe this is a recurring problem. She asked who our waitress was, and then first checked with the second bar for the missing cc and id before confronting the waitress.

Second bar did not have it.

Oh, did I mention that our waitress was close to the same height and weight as Roxanne? mmmhmmm. I was beginning to trip to what was going on. What had happened. Bartender ran in the back and apparently got some. She came back out a second later with the missing items and an apology. I saw the manager go into the back immediately as well. I hope that chick got fired.

So, the night seemd over. We had had a good time. BS’d about old triumphs and happenings all night. Generally talked shit. Made fun of people. Listened to a bagpipe player at the riverwalk. All that was left was breakfast. It was a good 3:15 by now. and into Denny’s at 281 and Bitters we went.

Typical Denny’s. I had a “Superbird” and watched Roxanne fight with an obviously huge amount of pancakes from some kind of slam. She was still a little lit. But it was cool. Then we paid and made for the door.

Now I have noticed before that restaurants ‘separate’ their patrons. they tend to place coupls and families on one side, and potentially troublesome groups of males on another. They did that here too.

On our way out, right at the door. I looked back into the other side of the Denny’s and saw a fiught starting. Two groups of Latino guys, around 4-5 guys each were realllly worked up and talking crap. Two guys getting held.

I alerted Roxanne, who is also into martial arts, and we watched the fight start.

Fists flew! Hell, f’n tables flew! I saw on guy get 4 really good center of mass head shots on another guy who was being held. This was all about 5 seconds or so.

And I realized I was standing in the door with an enebriated girl. And all of these yahoos were going to need to come out in a second or two.

I drug her outside real fast. And we immediately resumed the fight night festivities from the window.

Heh. I saw a coupel of busboy/cook types out enjoying a smoke, with our waitress. I told them that it was a really nice fist fight they had inside. So Denny’s staff entered the fray!

And then the yells for “take it outside” started.

Time to go!

I poured Roxanne into the passenger side and made for the highway. Roxanne was laughing though. And I had to stop her until we hit the street.


It was one of the best nights I’ve had in a looooong time!


  1. mmmmmm…..good times….I have decided as of that night that I love strip clubs, Dennys, and Irish coffee!

    I must admit thats definitely the best time I’ve had in a long while. Loads of alcohol, girls wearing pretty much nothing and dancing on my lap, not to mention watching a good fight after a meal. Makes for a great combination.


    Comment by Roxanne — January 27, 2008 @ 2:36 pm

  2. oh man, i want to go out with you.

    and there is absolutely nothing wrong with yellow anything.
    unless it’s someone else’s piss on me.

    Comment by Callie — January 30, 2008 @ 11:41 pm

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