mlah The “culture” that has evolved here isn’t conducive to sissies

June 23, 2007

Drunk Dialing

Filed under: Misc — mlah @ 6:55 pm

what on earth compels us to dial old flames when we’re smashed?

so the soldiers here get vacation.

yeah, this story isn’t about me. my one REAL regret here is that i can’t start this story with “this one time, jesse swanson was sooooo drunk”.

that would have been excellent!

anyway. where was i?

the military members here get vacation. the military staggers them out so that they’re not all on break at the same time. hey, they do do some things well!

a while back a soldier we work with went on vacation. i won’t mention his name here as i am really loathe to call people out by name and tell the world about heir exploits. but this one time, i’ll mention his initials. they are kyle saltz. he planned on introducing his family to his fiance’ over break, 2 weeks of fun before returning to …. here. ((shudder)).

he got back recently and last night over tea at “green beans”, aafes version of starbucks, he told us about his exploits.

i didn’t know it before he left, but his fiance’ isn’t american. his fianc’e is a thai national and the sergeant went to thighland for break.

to be with his best girl.

and introduce her to his family.

who were flying to thailand also.

so he gets to thailand ahead of his family. he had smooth flights out of here and makes it in a day, just one day! so he was enjoying the beautiful bangkok scenery after just one day of traveling.

he meets his girl. in bangkok.

now hold on. i don’t know what y’all have heard, but bangkok is a nice place full of respectable nice girls. and our sergeant, the center of this story, was in thighland with his girl. so there was NONE of that!

so he gets there and they almost immediately have a fight and his girl calls it off and flees bangkok to some out of the way nameless village he has no idea where it is.

so there he is. kyle saltz. single in thighland. what on earth is there for a single man to do in thailand?

ah, did y’all forget his family is flying in to meet the new family member?

so here comes big sis and brother in law.

they leave bangkok as planned and move south to touristy phuket. (pronounce it right) and commence bar runs.

he is after all on vacation! he uses the same “tuk tuk” driver once or twice and the guy starts going out with them. at one point, they had to call a cab to get home, and take their tuk tuk driver with them because HE was smashed too!

he didn’t elaborate too much on exactly what else he did besides drink. not yet. but i may get some pictures tomorrow.

his sister, who is tiny and petite, and well, blessed upstairs, was upset about everyone staring at her chest. and it seems she had nothing but american style shirts, that plunged a little. SCANDALOUS in thailand!

but there they were. the sergeant, big sis, bro in law, and the tuk tuk driver out smashed in some bar in phulet. and sis had finally had enough of everyone staring at her huge assets.

she fled to the bathroom.

and why oh why. but we have virtually all done it.

she phoned her ex.

and she was somewhat incoherent. and didn’t know where she was. and was separated from the sergeant. and her husband. then she hung up.

now. what would you think? a small petite woman, alone in asia, drunk, and had no idea where she was?

personally, i would think most “ex’s” would celebrate.

this one called her parents. and played the phone message. they played it for the police. who played it for the state department.

mmmmhmmmmm. the state department.

so after a couple of weeks of sightseeing only….. 😉

they returned to bangkok. and got a phone call. a phone call from a state department official who was looking to confirm that nobody had been sold into slavery or abducted.

best drunk dialing sotry i have ever heard!

oh. and right before kyle left? his girl apologized and got back together with him.

so he got to tour thailand, a single man, and keep his girl too!



  1. Personally, I’d rather just cut to the chase and call the state department. Bypass all the middlemen.

    Comment by Kristen — June 28, 2007 @ 7:26 am

  2. I’m sure her husband feels completely validated by his wife’s actions. Perhaps a case of in vino veritas? However, the family had a right to take the situation up with the authorities, since they had no information on their daughter. That’s one of the things the State Department is supposed to do for our citizens.

    Comment by yup — June 28, 2007 @ 3:15 pm

  3. Friends don’t let friends drunk dial.

    Comment by Aaron — July 2, 2007 @ 8:47 pm

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