mlah The “culture” that has evolved here isn’t conducive to sissies

August 25, 2006

Kandi Kane

Filed under: Humor,Women — mlah @ 2:38 am

so i’m getting ready to deploy to a not so nice place. naturally i wanted to get out and see a chick one last time before i’m locked away ….

last time i did something like this was for my 40th birthday. i went out that day with mark, who comments here sometimes, and he picked up a slasher chick at a bar. but that’s a whole different story.

i started out last night and hit this little pub called schooners. i used to hang out in a bar in spain called schooners, with mark as a matter of fact. we had some good times in there.

but i went to this new little place on 410 here in san antonio. just for giggles. i met this pretty cool little redhead girl named molly. we had a few drinks and chatted.

yeah, i’m a bastard. i laid the ‘i’m about to delpoy’ line on her pretty hard and it worked. she told me about this other little bar she hangs out in sometimes and she wanted to take me. and as i wasn’t really able to drive at this point, i felt obliged to let her have her way with me. ๐Ÿ˜‰

so she drove me to ‘Perfect Tens‘ right by a best buy at 410 and san pedro. stripper bar.

oh! the luck, to meet a girl who knows …. and hangs out in stripper bars! cost me 15 bucks to get into the place. they had some pay per view event they were showing. but it was all right. she took me to the back, since this place didn’t have a vip room. we had a few more drinks…. and then it started to get freaky.

seems that a girl who goes by the name Kandi, and i’m sure that’s on her birth certificate, knows molly pretty well. and kandi had just finished her ‘set’ on stage. so kandi came over and had a few drinks with us. turns out they’re roommates.

now, first thing kandi did was of course order a bottle of cristal. and i thought great, i’m about to get soaked for all the cash in my bank account, but she sat in my lap, so i didn’t mind so much. who can care about a 450 dollar bottle of champagne when there’s a near naked girl splayed out in your lap. yeah, she was kind of laying across me and playing with molly’s blouse buttons. there’s no way on earth i could protest.

hmmm. guess i should describe them a little for purposes of the story?

molly: i already said she was a redhead. medium height and skinny, which is why i guess i was attracted to her in the first place. and well. she made some comment about not stripping because her boobs were too small. but like i said. i like the skinny girls. i managed to get a couple of pics of her, but she swore if i showed her face, she’d kill me. Not Safe For Work! so enjoy! and yes, that is actually a pic of molly on the night in question. i didn’t get her shirt off. wish i could say i had, but it was kandi that just reached over and took it off. kandi took the pic.

Kandi, AKA Kandi Kane. all of the staff at pt’s called her kandi kane. doing that little candycane thing from the movie joy ride. but kandi was in charge. totally hot little brunette girl. perfect boobs. she liked to put her hair in pigtails, but don’t let that fool you. the ‘little girl’ was just the persona she used to work guys, and make them her slave. of course, none of that worked on me. i got a pic of her too. this one was a digital camera shot they emailed to me. again, Not Safe For Work, and enjoy! and again, i had to crop the face out for fear of pain of death.

we had a crazy time. kandi kept groping our waitress, some poor girl named rachel. i always run into rachels huh? and then she stripped molly for me. basically she just said she was tired of being the only one naked. and well, she kind of has the personality to dominate molly. molly was a little submissive.

so i was in the zone.

but we had another bottle of cristaaaaaahl. and then molly took me to her apartment. kandi kind of insisted. she had a good thing going as y’all will soon see. molly and i had a few more drinks, and i kind of think she might of had a little something else. i made it clear i was only interested in her. she was really self conscious about her boob size. i told her i’d have to ‘investigate’. and that’s kinda why i think she had a little something extra. that line actually worked!

so by the time kandi came over after work, i had molly naked. we were sitting there, me in my underwear, and her butt naked, and i was trying to figure out how to get her in the bedroom… or on the chair, or anywhere else for that matter. i guess i should have ended that sentence with, i was trying to figure out how to get her…….

but kandi came home with rachel. not waitress rachel. that waitress got so tired of being felt up she was bitching about having to come anywhere near us. the manager didn’t care though. kandi and molly are uber hot, so he just let it go. plus EVERYONE in the bar liked watching kandi feel her up.

anyway. rachel2. and i have no idea whether or not rachel 2 danced or not. she was very very petite. and sorry i didn’t get a pic of her. petite little blonde girl. medium boobs for her petiteness. wearing a damned blue jean mini skirt.

why do girls wear those? i love the frilly cloth ones myself. just so that the wind has at least a chance to blow the skirt up. and let’s face it. that’s the real reason girls wear skirts at all. just so the wind can work it’s magic and reveal their oh soooo expensive lacey underwear. i’m very fond of the deal we men have with the wind myself. so get rid of those blue jean mini’s. they’re too heavy for the wind. unless you’re in new orleans…. and if it’s that damned windy…. i’ll be running too fast to look!

anyway. kandi, and i think her real name was christine, rachel let it slip, pulled out the shot glasses. she, rachel and i did shots of jaeger from molly’s belly. i thought that with three girls here, this would more than likely be my highlight of the night. i’ve done body shots before, (thank you amanda wirtz in rota, spain) but never off of a nekkid girl.

so we did three of these as we bullshat. kandi is cool. and she refused to take off her ginormous stripper boots. which i liked. they were the knee high black pleather lace up platform stripper heels. like 8 inch platforms. kandi paid 400 bucks for them. but i liked her. she was cool and sort of had a way with molly and rachel. they just did what she said.

she kind of worked rachel’s shirt off. so that SHE was the only person in the room wearing a shirt! all rachel had on was the blue jean mini. i wanted to get that off asap.

molly was hurting by this point. so we had to cut her off. kandi took her in the bathroom and ‘helped her’ for about 10 minutes. rachel and i could hear her blowing chow. but we chatted. just me and a topless girl named rachel. just like old times in spain.

rachel popped in a learn to pole dance dvd and started talking to me about pole dancing.

yeah, they had a pole set up in kandi’s room. rachel wanted to know if i thought she had the pole dance down. i asked if she stripped, trying to get out of her where she worked. she wouldn’t say, just kept saying she didn’t yet. but she could pole dance. i kinda think she did.
of course she made me do it too.

so kandi finally came out of the bathroom with molly, who was still pretty out of it, and got to watch rachel and i pole dance.

pretty topless blonde? i’ll do just about anything. yeah. i couldn’t get that damned skirt off!
so we move back into the living room and watch the pole dance dvd and kandi starts giving rachel tips. how to hold the pole with her legs and such.

and then kandi brought up a subject i’ve never heard before in my life.

strip battleship.

yeah. you read that right. she went to the closet and brought out three battleship games. but we only needed two. we got the 4 sets out and started to set it up. molly was feeling a lot better, but not quite well enough for strip battleship. and besides as kandi pointed out. she was already nude. kandi made her waitress for us from then on.

so the rules were. you get to take a shot at one opponent. aany one opponent. and each time a ship was sunk. you lost a piece of clothing. i was DOOMED. doomed! i tell you. all i had on were my boxer briefs. all rachel had on was her skirt and green lacy g string. kandi still had on a shirt, skirt, and i underwear, and let’s not forget those huge stripper boots. oh. and whoever sank your ship, got to KEEP your clothing. what was i going to lose? my underwear?

but rachel was cool. seems kandi can had it coming. and well, she did just reach over and pull her shirt off as soon as they walked in to the apartment. so rachel went first and took a shot at kandi. which pissed kandi off. so she took a shot back at rachel. i then took a shot at kandi too. and so went the game. very shortly we had kandi down to her g-string and boots. rachel was about done too. rachel and i both only had one thing left. and kandi had two. but rachel and i had two shots! rachel fired the shot that sank kandi’s next ship, and i was a little amazed, but kandi refused to give up the boots!

so there she sat, in nothing but boots, and a pair of ear rings! rachel was in some lacy white thing, molly was nude and sitting on my lap. yeah. kandi told her too. she was trying to distract me. but rachel kept telling me where to shoot. uh. yeah. i shot where she told me.
finally it was just kandi and i. and i didn’t have but maybe 10 pegs in the water around my ships. and i had kandi pretty far gone. i still had both of her ‘3’ ships left to hit.

i found one and sank it.

kandi wasn’t happy. she really didn’t want to lose those boots. really.

REALLY didn’t want to lose those boots.

so i’m going to georgia tomorrow with a smile on my face.

for the boots?

kandi traded me molly.


  1. Oh Mlah, how can you be so…… Don’t you realize that Molly is the infamous Qaeda spy Ma’liah? She hangs out in the San Antonio area looking for people who are DOD types in order to pump them for all the information they possess. And I’ll bet she pumped you dry!

    Comment by yup — August 25, 2006 @ 4:41 am

  2. Slightly over-embellished but close enough

    Comment by Kandy — August 25, 2006 @ 10:15 am

  3. Wait, you mean I wasn’t the first person to think of strip battleship? darn it.

    Comment by Kristen — August 25, 2006 @ 10:28 am

  4. Hahahahah I bet that ruined Kristen’s day.

    Great work on that one dude!

    Comment by medium john — August 25, 2006 @ 10:51 am

  5. slightly over embellsihed? what?! i’ve never seen one girl smack another girl on the butt soooo much!

    Comment by mlah — August 25, 2006 @ 11:48 am

  6. MLAH – you’re so full of shiite! lol ๐Ÿ˜›

    Comment by Blondie — August 25, 2006 @ 2:36 pm

  7. “and then kandi brought up a subject i’ve never heard before in my life.
    strip battleship.”
    I thought that’s how sailors while away the hours, no?

    Comment by trick_shot_f-in_cheney — August 25, 2006 @ 8:35 pm

  8. What, they aren’t paying you enough to deploy, so you have to write this stuff for Forum?


    ๐Ÿ™‚ At least there was a red head in it!

    Comment by Madame Butterfly — August 26, 2006 @ 12:05 am

  9. What really happened: someone slipped a roofie in Mlah’s drink, stole a few hundred bucks, and he lay on the bar drooling and dreaming of multiple naked battleship-playing strippers.

    But don’t tell him that. He’s happy. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Comment by Lil Liberal — August 26, 2006 @ 11:44 am

  10. So what REALLY happened? I bet that night, you went to a petting zoo while drunk on Bailey’s and woke up the next morning in the goat pen.

    Comment by Jeanna — August 27, 2006 @ 11:47 am

  11. i am NOT angus the goatfucker!

    Comment by mlah — August 27, 2006 @ 9:45 pm

  12. I think you may have ….. uh, been a little creative with this story.

    Comment by greree — August 28, 2006 @ 1:56 am

  13. LMFAO!!! great story, hell any story with strippers is great… I hope you used protection man, you don’t want little mlah to fall off in a couple years… LOL nice pics too…

    Comment by CT — August 28, 2006 @ 2:47 am

  14. That can’t all be real. Those pictures look like you got them from some porn site.

    Comment by Blondie — August 29, 2006 @ 5:02 pm

  15. they look a similar? they are pics they took while messing around. i have other pics o fthem. but they have kind of soured on me. ie, they’re more than a little pissed right now.

    Comment by mlah — August 30, 2006 @ 3:33 am

  16. Blondie,

    The story might be real. After all, they’re strippers, and you can get a stripper to do just about anything if you pay them enough money.

    The pictures aren’t real, unless mlah carrys around a couple of umbrella lights, a soft box, and a diffusion filter with his digital camera, and then sat down and airbrushed the photos before he uploaded them here.

    Comment by greree — August 30, 2006 @ 10:03 pm

  17. greree, you go from thinking he got a little creative with the story to thinking i t might be real…make up your mind…

    Comment by Blondie — August 30, 2006 @ 10:14 pm

  18. THEY took those pictures. not me. what kind of photo equipment they have? i don’t know. i have a few more pics too. but stashed away.

    Comment by mlah — August 31, 2006 @ 9:35 am

  19. SO jealous. You lost my number?

    Comment by Mark — September 3, 2006 @ 9:44 am

  20. And NOW I feel entertained.

    Comment by Mark — September 3, 2006 @ 9:46 am

  21. […] here are the other two pertinent posts for y’all who are not yet up to speed. kandi kane and sugar babies. read kandi kane first. now. i wrote most of this a week ago and have been contemplating whether or not to actually put it up. but i just can’t NOT post this. so here we go. […]

    Pingback by » Blog Archive » Sweet Kandi — September 14, 2006 @ 3:44 pm

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