mlah The “culture” that has evolved here isn’t conducive to sissies

July 7, 2006


Filed under: Whining — mlah @ 12:00 am

so i have this neighbor i never see.

she drives a white bmw and is an officer in the air farce.

are y’all sensing a mood?

let me tell you a bit about our houses. we both have basically the same plot of land. same cookie cutter plots stamped out by our builder. they’re the same, except of course for the houses sitting on top of them.

my house is a two story house. so the footprint of the house is very small on my plot of land. what this means is that i have a nice big backyard.

my neighbor has a one story house. the front edges of our houses are pretty much at the same point, so that they appear to start at relatively the same point from the street. all of our neighborhoos is. what this means is that as you drive down our street, allof the houses are in a nice pretty row.

but this also means that her house sticks waaaaay back onto her plot of land. and she consequently has a small backyard.

now, our builder, medallion homes, put fences up for our backyards when they built our houses. they pretty much just go horizontal from the back corners of the house out to the property line and then enclose the backyard.

so i’ve got my backyard, and she has her tiny backyard.

but from the front. my backyard starts where my house ends. what this means is that where out plots meet, she has a huge strip of her frontyard (side) fenced off from my backyard. so that if you are standing in the street looking at the space between our houses, my fence is way forward, and then she has this giant little strip on the side of her house.

for some reason. she thinks hald of this strip of land is mine.

when she cuts her grass, she mows evenly down the mniddle and leaves the other side for me.

about half of the time when i mow, i just mow the whole thing. it kind of stupid for me to mow that little tiny piece and leave the rest when i’m right there with a lawn mower…..

but she doesn’t play. she leaves that half alone.

so i decided to quit cutting that little other half. just to make her think about why i’m not cutting it. maybe she’d realize it actually belongs to her. but that strip has gotten big. and a couple of large weeds have grown there. and they’re obnoxious. but they’re on her property. 100%.

she cut her grass again this tuesday right before fireworks. i had just gotten home from my folks house at the lake. and i was shocked to hear the lawnmower. i got to actually ‘see’ my neighbor.

i looke dout my upstairs window in the back and could see her cutting her ‘half’ of her little sideyard.

then she stopped, hopped over into ‘my’ side and pulled a giant weed of about 5′ in height. then threw it over the fence into my backyard.

f’n b!

i’ve been stewing for a couple of days over what to do. those of you who know me know i’m a little apt to go knock on her door, weed in hand….. and no gus, it’s not the smokable kind…. and have some words with her.

mark suggested that i go knock on her door with a bottle of wine in hand and discuss. but that was before the weed incident.

i still don’t know what i’m going to do.


  1. Make a sign and stick it in the uncut grass that says “YOURS.” Point it towards her house. You might also want to make a sign that points out how the fences dictate who owns which piece of land. Even better, make one sign, draw a line down the middle of it, and put it right in line with your property line (the fence). Then write “YOURS” on her side and “MINE” on the other side.

    Comment by medium john — July 7, 2006 @ 11:05 am

  2. I like Medium John’s suggestion. I’d also lay the weed on her front door step. She is a b’yotch. And a stoopid one at that.

    Comment by Madame Butterfly — July 7, 2006 @ 8:49 pm

  3. A copy of the deed/blueprints might prove it to her.

    Comment by trick_shot_f-in_cheny — July 8, 2006 @ 1:55 am

  4. She’s only doing this to engineer a face-to-face meeting with you, Mlah. You know how those zoomie chicks are. Games to get the guy’s attention and all that. Get out there and socialize!

    Comment by yup — July 8, 2006 @ 2:56 am

  5. Wether yup is right or not, I like the way he thinks….Mark and Trick Shot had a good idea, too. A bottle of wine, some nice cheese, some good ritzes and the blueprints… have the opportunity to really turn this around to your favor. You might even offer to mow the whole damn thing for her (with no intention of actually doing it) and so, when she sees that the land is actually hers, she’ll say “no, no, no….but how nice of you to offer, want to have sex?”

    Comment by rob — July 9, 2006 @ 1:49 am

  6. Is she hot?

    Comment by greree — July 9, 2006 @ 3:23 am

  7. That’s my line.

    Comment by medium john — July 10, 2006 @ 11:41 am

  8. Take page from your youth and use the lessons learned from Foghorn Leghorn and the dog that he loved to torment.

    1- Get a can of paint (the color is immaterial, though Zoomie Blue would be best) and paint along the property line from one end to the other.
    2- Set up a lawn chair on your side of the line and provide yourself some liquid refreshment in a cooler next to your chair.
    3- Acquire a large pan and a spoon and proceed to bang on the pan, until her curiousity (or anger) is aroused.
    4- Sit in your chair and await her approach.

    At this point, shift tactics to those of Pepe’ le Pew. Begin to woo and romance her and gently explain that the effing weeds are on her side of the line.

    Comment by rojoxia — July 10, 2006 @ 8:50 pm

  9. Although she’s a beotch, I think the best way to approach her is to simply give her the facts to her face and tell her where the property lines are. Being a dick back to her isn’t going to make you look mature.

    Comment by Blondie — July 23, 2006 @ 1:05 am

  10. Start blogging about everything she does. Video what you can. Post all in a new blog called “My Bitch Neighbor.” Once it gets good post link on craigslist.

    THEN ask her out. She can’t help but want you – you ARE Mlah.

    Comment by Mark — July 24, 2006 @ 4:10 pm

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