mlah The “culture” that has evolved here isn’t conducive to sissies

June 9, 2006


Filed under: Humor — mlah @ 1:12 am

so i hit the powerball finally.

and as is madatory when you hit the powerball, you have to hook up your friends and family.

my mom demanded a new car. my dad wanted a new boat. bubba wanted a new house.

my sisters wanted to fire their bosses.

so i took care of most of the demands. and let me tell you, dentists sure can kick and scream a lot when you yank them over the counter through that little window. but it had to happen. and my sister glowed.

but finally, i had to talk to my mom about a new car. she remembers the stories we heard when i was little by ‘mrs perez’ who would show up to the kids school in the white corvette, white scarf waving in the wind. and my mom wanted a nice convertable. but she didn’t want a corvette. they’re too low to the ground, and ease of getting in and out is key.

she refused to pick a car altogether, other than to eliminate the corvette as a possibility. she just kept saying surprise me.

so of course, i went to the mercedes dealer.

i went strolling in and immediately, the vultures started circling. even before i got out of my car i could see the vultures begin to circle. they do the little dance, assigning some unknown order of attempting to corral my money. the car sales vultures are a curious breed.

by the by, yup, sound familiar yet?

some little troll of a man walked up with his fake grin. he looked like a short david lee roth with sharpened teeth. he greeted me with his wee bitty eyes sparkling in anticipation of separating me from as much of my money as he could. he pointed to the top of the line mercedes sitting front and center on the showroom floor. the sl600. they’re pretty nice convertables. the minute i saw it, i could just see mom working my nieces middle schools after softball practice. white scarf in the wind. stereo going on patsy cline.

but i had this despicable little troll in front of me.

but then she strolled by. this tall cool drink of water went strolling right by me. flowing long black hair. beautiful grey eyes. built like a brick wall. and smiling of course.

what? did troll boy say something. i didn’t quite hear him. i know his mouth was moving, and there was some kind of a static discharge in the air. then the raven wonder wheeled about and approcahed me. flashing me a nice smile. and walking up close so that i couldn’t help but see her ample cleavage.

weasel man said something again. i think i may have actually stepped on him as i strolled past him with leila. she wanted to show me some ‘things’.

i’m all about things.

weasel boy went scurrying away back to his little rat hole. i felt sorry for him, but leila looked right at me and asked ‘what? feeling sorry for quasimodo?’ so i thought about it for a good half second and denied it.

we went for an extended testdrive which included lunch at tres hermanos fine foods. she recommended it.

so i bought this car. i got a couple of extras too. leather seats. a butt warmer. navigation system and others.

and leila and i are going to dinner this weekend.

there’s just something about leila.

oh, now go read this


  1. Leila told me she was also quite fond of you! She was hoping that you’d take her to Hawaii.

    Comment by SeLiNa — June 9, 2006 @ 6:43 am

  2. Is this a dream, or did this actually happen? If it’s real, I want a Geforce 7900GTX stat.

    Also, tap that shit.

    Comment by medium john — June 9, 2006 @ 11:36 am

  3. Breasticles do things to the mind of a man. Closes off the synapses that fire to cause common sense thinking.

    I have to agree with Medium John, hit it!!!

    Comment by rojoxia — June 9, 2006 @ 6:58 pm

  4. the first part reminds me of the time the little troll slaesman tried to push a used Toyota MR2 Spider on me at above new MSRP. Drove nice, though. I’ve been thinking about factory ordering a Mercedes to have ready when I move back to the States.

    I let Mrs Yup do all the negotiating when it comes time to haggling over a sales price. Keeps me out of trouble. Makes the salespeople sweat for their pay. Like when she got me my new truck at only $89 over dealer cost, including all the extras. Or the time she did the test drive over a weekend on a new little car (at their insistence), then brought it back and said she wasn’t interested. They had to sell it to her as used merchandise.

    Comment by yup — June 10, 2006 @ 9:55 am

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