mlah The “culture” that has evolved here isn’t conducive to sissies

February 12, 2006

A New Phenom

Filed under: Humor — mlah @ 2:01 pm

i’ve been watching a general trend the last few years that has been picking up speed.

barbie mutilation.

recently i stumbled on a site that had multiple barbies arranged in a whole host of various sexual positions. the girl in question (adult) had even managed to construct new anatomical prosthetics for the various dolls in the pictures. it was pretty vile. but funny in that , ‘oh shit! that’s just wrong’ sort of way. like the barbies in the blender upside down.

today i stumbled on another example.

it’s the picture under the expansion. the attached post and explanation was very funny. you can view it firsthand here. WARNING! don’t read on if you can’t handle barbie humor!

Barbie Beaching

why are girls doing this to their dolls now?

A horrid site. A mass grounding of “barbietious mattelamus” at an undisclosed location. Scientists are still at a loss to explain this rare event. This species, more often referred to as “Barbies” are known to regularly shed their clothes never to don them again. It is widely believed that this pertains to some elaborate mating ritual. Mass beachings are more rare, however. A group of five volunteers tried to save these majestic creatures, but to no avail.

i’ve got a few pics saved to my joke files which i may be pursuaded to post later. not the overly vile ones though.

for now. what’s up? why all the barbie hate?

want a funny story?

when i was in college, i was in a fraternity. i was a proud member of Phi Gamma Delta. Still am. every year we threw our biggest party for fall rush. we called it islander. we built two lagoons, one in the frony yard, one in the back from railroad ties and plastic. stocked them with goldfish. built a bamboo palisade around our yard. bamboo roof’s over our decks. waterfalls into the lagoons. built a smut hut in the backyard around some couches. brought in a dumptruck or two of sand. we usually had above 10 kegs, and a bathtub full of purple passion juice. at least one bathtub full.

yeah, it would eat the paint off of the broomstick we stirred it with.

members would dress in grass skirts. guys too. after all our fraternity nickname was fiji. and the guys were skirts there too.

the weekend before islander, myself and two pledge brothers were driving through town arlington, texas and saw a garage sale.

they had dolls. some little girl was parting with her doll collection. she was all of about 12. must have been 50 old dolls.

we each dropped around 10 bucks on her dolls. and she was HAPPY. neither her nor her parents understood why these huge guys were buying dolls. but we were just laughing at buying the props for our fiji costumes.

have i ever mentioned that i could be a bit insensitive or inconsiderate when i was younger? it’s true.

all three of us marched to the end of their driveway and stopped at the trashcan and proceeded to yank every single one of those heads off.

we just wanted the shrunken heads to tie to our grass skirts. we were going to be witch doctors after all. some of them were a little hard to behead. but we got it done. standing there for a minute or two, yanking and pulling.

then we ran back to the car and headed out!

that poor girl. she was bawling so hard.

we were a hit at the party!


  1. I think the increasing obesity epidemic is to blame for the barbie hatin’. If Barbie was fat she probably wouldn’t be lying in a pool of her own (barbie) blood with other naked deformed friends.

    Comment by SeLiNa — February 12, 2006 @ 9:09 pm

  2. I saw some sort of article that was talking about how Barbie mutilation has become a rite of passage for young girls. Mattel’s gotta hate that.

    Comment by moonbatty — February 14, 2006 @ 7:48 am

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