mlah The “culture” that has evolved here isn’t conducive to sissies

April 25, 2005

My Mom

Filed under: Humor — mlah @ 8:50 pm

'69 Camaro SS

my mom has 6 sisters and 7 brothers.

yeah, i have packs of cousins i’ve met only once, or never even met.

my mom’s side of the family is heavy irish. and we’re from oklahoma. so everytime i see ‘far and away’ with tom cruise and nicole (she’s so hot) kidman, i have a really good laugh.

i actually said out loud in the theater ‘they’re on a quest to be okies?!’.

it is a pretty state.

back when i graduated high school in texas, i got a scholarship to a little school, and my parents moved from a suburb of dallas to a suburb of birmingham. so i was really away.

but come summer, i did what most kids do and i went home for the summer. it was an action packed summer in ‘bama. i almost quit texas and went to auburn. but i didn’t. the fluorocarbon plant in pelham where i worked over the summer burned down. firefighters said it was the hottest fire they had ever seen. there was boiling water on the ground.

but time came for me to go back to texas and resume my education. and as luck would have it, my parents were coming most of the way with me. my mom and dad were driving just 4 hours short of dallas, to a city called longview. one of my aunts lives there. sisters get together every now and then. and everytime these two would get together something happened. something funny.

the interstate phone lines no doubt lit up as news of the impending journey traveled throughout the family. but surely nothing this time. can’t happen everytime can it?

i figured i’d stay a night or two too. visit my cousins and such.

so we caravaned from birmingham west on i-20. i’ve made the trip a few times now. in different trips i’ve actually been on i-20 from atlanta all the way to where i-20 merges into i-10, and then driven i-10 all the way to the pacific coast highway in la.

but we were only going to longview this day. it was a 6-7 hour drive if memory serves. longview is around an hour and a half into texas. about 3-4 hours still from dallas.

so my parents loaded up the family truckster, and i loaded all of my clothes and my stereo into my old beat up ’69 camaro and away we went.

it was a pretty day, and a pretty drive. all through mississippi and louisiana we kept hitting little squalls. they would drop a little gentle rain on us as we proceeded on our way. every now and again we would stop for gas and talk. this being before the time of plentiful cell phones. yeah, it’s a while ago.

my mom got bored with the whole thing and crawled into the backseat of the family truckster. she worked a few crossword puzzles and word searches as we made our way west.

she eventually fell asleep in the backseat, all jumbled up in a couple of comforters and pillows.

we let her sleep as we got closer.

finally we were almost there. we crossed out of louisiana and into texas. shortly thereafter we made our last pit stop in the first town in texas, or last. depending on your intent.

waskom, texas. some little bitty town. all that’s there that i know of is a couple of gas stations.

we gassed up, and i ran to use the bathroom while my dad paid. then i ran to pay while my dad made the trip to the restroom. it having been what we southerners like to call a one holer.

then we were off on the last leg. and whatever shenanegins lay in wait for us.

my dad even reached back and patted my sleeping mom to let her know we were almost there.

we made good time overall. pulled up into my aunt and uncles driveway ahead of schedule.

my uncle, father and myself stood out in the driveway and chatted for a few minutes before heading into the haus.

my uncle asked about my mom and my dad said just to let her sleep. she’d come in when she firgured out the car wasn’t moving anymore.

and you yankees stop. it’s safe in the south. people sleep in their cars occasionally.

so we went in and sat down. my dad and uncle were enjoying their first beer.

then the phone rang. and my uncle had to decide whether or not to accept the toll for the collect call from my mom.

he immediately said yes, he’d accept the charges.

you see, i have this kind of family. we play jokes on each other. and my uncle was going to go along with the joke. try and play it out.

the fun was starting already.

so back to the phone call.

boy, was my mom PISSED!

yeah. we left her in waskom.

take a breath.

so my dad and uncle went to go pick her up. it not being safe for he and i to go alone. i stayed behind to relay the news on. everyone knew we were due, and we didn’t want anyone to worry.

so there i was. relaxing in my uncles easy chair. and in walks my aunt.

her: where’s you mom?
me: well, it’s kind of a long story.

and my aunt sat down and started laughing right then.

i hadn’t even finished the whole thing before she was on the phone.

and to top it all off, my mom was pissed at me! seems someone had his stereo up too loud to hear her yelling as she went sprinting through the gas stations driveways. hurdling pump islands. yelling his name.

with a little luck, i’m going to get them all top come down to san antonio when i get back. the riverwalk is just calling out for stories.


  1. haha, sucks for your mom. I really hope she has a good sense of humor.

    Comment by medium john — April 25, 2005 @ 10:17 pm

  2. I’ve TRIED to leave my mom at gas stations. She always comes back…

    Comment by mark — April 26, 2005 @ 9:38 am

  3. What MLAH Didn’t mention is that his mom is an RN and had worked the nite shift before we left. Also on our arrival in Longview, his uncle Harold asked me where “Mom” was. I responded that she was in the back seat asleep, and would wake up as soon as she sensed the car was no longer moving. Otherwise the rest to the story is accurate. My sis-in-law was laughing so hard on the phone she was literally crying. My wife forgave both of us by the time we returned to Longview after picking her up in Wascom. Savagemodel99

    Comment by dad — April 26, 2005 @ 3:05 pm

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