mlah The “culture” that has evolved here isn’t conducive to sissies

December 29, 2004

9 Girls

Filed under: Women — mlah @ 11:49 pm

Torremolinos from Hotel Isabel

i am the king.

i am THE king i tell you.

so when i was i spain, i took a little vacation over to t-town. that’s what we used to call torremolinos. it’s a little resort town over next to malaga on the costa del sol. beautiful place. full of northern europeans on vacation.

of course half of the girls on the beach are topless. i never saw a girl sunbathing nude, but i saw them in the outdoor showers and nearby, changing clothes.

after a little assimilation you learn not to gawk.

while having dinner across the street from the beach, i watched a girl change clothes as she was crossing the street to the beach. no shit. she started stripping at the corner while waiting for the light. the light changed, and she went hopping through the intersection butt nekkid, trying to get her bikini bottom on. we guys at the dinner table toasted spain, and women in general. cars honked. life was good.


later i was at ‘bar amsterdam’. i used to hang out here because i spent a little time on a dutch sub. and this was our meeting point while in port malaga.

i wasn’t sitting outside at one of the tables in the night air because, well, it was busy, and groups of people needed the tables. so i sat at the bar close to the front. the fact that that section of the bar had a huge black light right above it had nothing to do with my decision.

girls would walk in and sidle up to this part of the bar to order drinks. right under the light. and it would skylight their little sundresses. it’s like they weren’t wearing anything. me and a dutch guy named hans would sit there and try to pick up chicks. usually the ones who weren’t wearing anything under their dresses.

what can i say? i was a sailor.

now bar amsterdam had a pretty consistant staff. most of the other bars around there had people come and go. but connie and brady, the owners, ran a respectable establishment. the only time i ever saw anyone get away with any bs and not be asked to leave was when i was with the dutch sub crew. but that’s another story.

the rest of the staff were three girls and two guys, carmen, paqui, and wendy. first two were spanish, and totally beautiful. wendy only worked in the summer when she came down from amsterdam. i think she is actually the hottest chick i have ever seen.

hans was always trying to pick her up. he spoke dutch. i didn’t. wendy didn’t speak any english.

as if either of us had a chance with her anyway.

the two guys who worked here were mike, who worked a wade swath through the female clientelle with his buddy bob.

bob worked behind the bar. he was the pick up master. i have never seen anybody as smooth as bob. didn’t matter where they were from, what language they spoke, or if he spoke anything even remotely intelligible they could understand. he was the master. mike waited tables, and was always outside.

after a few nights, in a drunken stooper, hitting on girls with hans, i realized i should try and hang around bob as he mac’d on innocent bypassing chicks. there was all kinds of flotsam and jetsam in his wake.

and like i said, i was a sailor.

so these two french girls passed me and hans and went to the far end of the bar. they had seen the effects of the black light. most dutch girls didn’t care. they ran around on the beach in less. but these two were snooty. and french. they ordered white wine and actually had their little pinkies in the air.

but what did i care?

bob swooped in. 15 seconds, he had their names, and that they liked dancing, and had them meeting US at ‘fun beach’ (a disco around the corner) at 3:30. i was in! in i tell ya!

and soemone poked me in the side.

i looked around.

there was this group of 5 girls standing under the blacklight getting drinks.

but i was working these two french girls with bob! so i turned back around.

and i got poked in the side again.

i looked again.

all 5 girls were smiling at me. they had such beautiful teeth! believe me, a full set of choppers is pretty important on the attractiveness meter. we take it for granted over here in the states. travel abroad, and you will learn to appreciate your dentist a lot more.

holy shit! it was my lucky day. all 5 smiling frauleins were wearing pullover sundresses and panties. it was very obvious. they saw it too, and were pointing at each other and laughing. i could hear they were speaking german to each other.

2 more girls walked past them, and then past me, to join bob and the two french girls.

i ignored them. filthy french girls! they probably needed a bath anyway!

so i started hitting on one of the frauleins. with the obvious question. where are you from?

and she replied: ‘guess”

doom i tell! NEVER guess germany. NEVER!

all 5 girls immdeiately frowned. the stupid american did not even know it was impolitic to accuse anyone of being a german. even the germans.

5 dutch girls did an about face and walked away.

so i turned around.

4 french girls gave me the ‘talk to the hand’ thing, and walked away too.

and bob just bust out laughing.

9 girls in under 2 minutes.

i crashed and burned with nine girls in less than 2 minutes.

bob spread the news to connie, brady, and carmen who were all behind the bar. in between sobs of laughter he related my supremeness to his coworkers.

he was literally holding his sides.

brady, the owner, gave me a shot of vodka. ’cause he could tell i was a little beside myself.

and then bob came over and confided in me: ‘don’t worry, there will be MORE’

and 15 minutes later, we were at it again.

1 Comment »

  1. dont worry, man. i’m sure that i’ll beat that record someday.

    Comment by medium john — December 30, 2004 @ 10:19 am

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