mlah The culture that has evolved here isnt conducive to sissies

June 26, 2004


Filed under: Humor — mlah @ 11:47 pm

notice all the pickups?

when i graduated high school i got a scholarship to texas a&m at tarleton station. or just plain tarleton state u. it’s located in stephenville, texas.

i lived in an old army barracks for a dorm. bender. not ferguson. ferguson was a bunch of lightweights. they had ac. bender had a bunch of bad attitudes. we liked to refer to our dorm as the bender hilton. we were the bender bad asses. everybody used to cruise by our dorm down washington, and yell ‘bender sucks!’ and there would be 20 people yelling back, ‘we know’. people were afraid of our dorm.

my next door neighbor even snuck onto the roof and ran a hilton flag up. it stayed up there all winter. nobody was climbing up there to get it down in the winter. the roof was a little steep, and 3 stories up.

i just did a little checking and bender now has ac. pussies.

when i was there, we had these crappy windows that were like big cathedral windows. 4 windows that were vertical. they opened out on hinges with a little hand crank. and they had these screens that were 50 years old that just layed up against the window to keep out bugs. they really had these 4 little turn nobs that held the screens in place, but most of those were long since broken off.

and bugs. well, that’s why i’m writing this post.

specifically crickets.

for some reason. this particular fall, central texas had a plague of crickets. they flew around all day, all night. they were everywhere.

but before i continue with the cricket part of this story, i have to tell you about two little side stories. just laying the groundwork, so to speak.

1st) the water monument. we had this water monument in front of the student union building (sub). it was just a little pool really. about three feet high plain red brick in a square. i guess it was about 20′ by 20′. in the center it had a pump to spray water straight up. just a little water thing.

well, tarleton had plenty of, er, um, rednecks running around. let’s face it, when i was there, the only sport that merited a scholarship program was rodeo. no shit. and somebody was always sneaking down there in the night and screwing with that fountain. they put shampoo in. a bunch of times. the student council whined about it in the local paper. so they got creative. they put fish in it. no, not gold fish. try 2 foot long catfish and such. one time they put fish heads in it with a bunch of red dye.

now, each time soembody did this. maybe once a week. they had to clean this little fountain out. and it supposedly cost 200 smacks to clean the thing out. so the studetn council posted a little nastygram in the student paper, and said that since we couldn’t leave the little fountain alone, we just couldn’t have one. they cleaned it out and left it empty.

2nd) i was in room 119, bender hall. two doors down in 123 were the floor hell raisers. one eric b. and kevin l. both from plano, texas. their room was party central. and my roommate martin medina and myself were a little jealous. we felt obligated to try and relocate the parties from their room to our own.

now. side stories aside for the moment, ’til they are brought into the grand scheme of things.

remember the plague of crickets? they were just flying everywhere. but for some reason, this newly empty fountain was like a raid roach hotel to them. they would fly, and ride the wind. some of them would land in this water square, and there was no more breeze. so there they stayed.

this went on for a week or so, and my roommate and myself stood there one afternoon looking at this mass of crickets in one corner of that water square. it was about a four foot corner of the square, and about 6 inches deep. just thousands of crickets.

uh huh. you know it.

secret underwear ops commence.

so late thursday night. about 2:30, martin and i jumped out our first floor window and went running across the quad in our underwear, with ski masks and black shirts. carrying a broom and a couple of hefty lawn and leaf bags.

it was so gross sweeping up those crickets. i don’t think we really made a dent in the volume, but we had a couple of bags that weighed around 20# each.

we ran back. went to the windows 2 doors away from our own. i don’t think they even had their screens up. everybody’s were incessantly falling, and waking people up. so we usually just left them down. eric and kevin had as well. we poured in the crickets and climbed back in our windows.

i remember laying there laughing. we were trying not to. we figured that if somebody woke up, it was our asses.

so the next morning. 😉 kevin and eric were knocking on doors to find out if anyone else had any crickets.

‘what are you talking about?’

‘we got crickets!’

and did they ever. they had crickets in their closets. in their beds with them. in their dressers. crickets were everywhere.

martin and i had to fight from laughing. at least until everyone else started making fun of them.

i don’t think they ever knew……..

by the by, i played football here, before transferring to u of texas arlington.


  1. That is some funny shit. In my dorm, we had this Resident Assistant that everyone HATED and would yell at all of us for various things. One of his favorites was “and flush the damn toilets, it’s disgusting when the bathroom smells like piss!”

    So one day, we took a frisbee, turned it upside down and filled it with piss, froze it, dropped out the frozen piss disc, and slid it under the bastard’s door when he was gone. melted … Very satisfying.

    Comment by Bill from INDC — June 27, 2004 @ 1:23 am

  2. hahahahah nice.

    i have a couple more stories from tarleton i’m going to have to post.

    Comment by mlah — June 27, 2004 @ 1:31 am

  3. Dude, that is crazy. Why did you do that to those poor guys? Did putting crickets in their room suddenly move all the parties over to your dorm?

    Comment by medium john — June 27, 2004 @ 10:24 pm

  4. it moved them two doors down. for around a week.

    Comment by mlah — June 27, 2004 @ 11:37 pm

  5. I was too much of a geeky kid to do anything like that. I was more into trying to figure out how I was going to sneak into the bars for at least my first year because my state had raised the drinking limit to 19 3 months after I turned 18.

    Didn’t have much fun. Although, I do remember one night in my soph year, living off campus, us girls dressed all in black and went “Christmas Tree” hunting. Cut off the tip of one pine behind a house and my friend literally pulled a baby pine out of the ground. It felt kinda like mission impossible (I think we even hummed the tune)

    Well, at least we had real trees for Xmas!!!!!


    Comment by CJ — June 29, 2004 @ 10:32 pm

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