mlah The “culture” that has evolved here isn’t conducive to sissies

May 31, 2004

Chief Teaff

Filed under: Sea Stories — mlah @ 9:36 pm

The New WWII Memorial

back in the day….

when i was in language school in monterey, there were a lot of seals there, going through various languages as well. it was kind of cool, as a seaman, to sit around and hear some of their sea stories.

lots of cool stories about the ‘big hungries’. that’s what most of the seals at the time refered to sharks as. they figured if you didn’t have at least one good story about a big hungry, well, you just weren’t a seal yet.

but the story i’m thinking about tonight doesn’t involve sharks…. and i do not like sharks.

ha! on a quick side note, all y’all bastards who keep trying to take me scuba diving, just hang it up! i’m not going. not only have i seen all of the ‘jaws’ movies, but i have all of those cool ‘big hungry’ stories from seals as well to dissuade me from the open sea.

Each one of those stars represents 100 people

ya see, i know i am only a piece of bait to y’all.

think about it. me and 4-5 other people are out scuba diving. no, think about it from the point of view of mr. jaws. you’re out cruising for dinner, when you run across some scuba thingies. now 4-5 of them are kind of small, and scootin about kinda quick. …… well, at least quickly in comparison to the big one. that big one that is moving slowly… me.

which one do you think the shark will eat first?

f* off you bastards. y’all are just trying to take me scuba diving in case there IS a shark. you figure i’ll get eaten, and allow you time to get to shore….

no chance. i’m staying on the beach, with a mai tai, and i’ll watch y’all sprint for the beach when the sharks come. i’m too pretty to get eaten by a shark.

back to my sea story.

chief teaff was this crusty old texas seal. he’d been around and done just about everything. and he was cool enough to suffer spooks watching tv with him.

but on memorial day, ’91, he said something to us that really hit home. he first turned off the tv, and when people started looking at him wondering what on earth could be more important than ‘dances with wolves’ or some other movie…

he just looked at us, and said

‘hey, all y’all bastards, sittin’ around today on your day off, i want you to take just a moment and think about all the people who had to die. and die nasty deaths, just so y’all could have a day off’.

and it kind of put things in perspective.

everybody’s seen that normandy invasion video with that same guy running up the beach. he gets shot every time. i always cheer for him. ‘RUN dude!” but he gets shot in the same place. everytime.

Real Bad Asses

that was a real dude. he died.

and we get a day off.

blood beach, anzio, italy. pearl harbor. bull run. boston. sherman’s march. the alamo. hamburger hill.

they’re just history lessons. unless you’re fortunate enough to encounter someone who was there.

so, think about the people who died. so that we could have a day off. it’s memorial day. so pay your dues and remember them.

and say thank you.


  1. Very poignant. However, now i want to hear some of these stories about the big hungries!

    Comment by medium john — June 1, 2004 @ 3:00 pm

  2. Yeah, nice post. Echo that on the “big hungries”!

    And, yup, you’re right, you’re on to me, damn! Being a smaller guy, I always take along a bigger guy when I’m surfing, ’cause who wants to eat lil’ ol’ me when there’s a nice big porker right there? LOL…

    Comment by Dz — June 1, 2004 @ 8:14 pm

  3. i ain’t no porker. just 6′ 2″. it takes a bit to move me through the water. and 225# vs your what 170? i know who the shark is going to nibble on first.

    i’m staying on the beach thank you.

    Comment by mlah — June 2, 2004 @ 12:43 am

  4. nicely done!

    Comment by Da Goddess — June 2, 2004 @ 5:51 am

  5. How wonderfully written! My 18 year old son wants to become a Seal. Where would we be without Guys like you! I hate to think about that!

    Comment by Little Tex — July 14, 2004 @ 9:40 am

  6. That Crusty Old Teaxas Seal is my husband! And what a wonderful person he is,I can’t even imagine walking in his shoes & seeing the things taht he’s seen….. or would I want to?

    Comment by Jennifer — May 28, 2007 @ 12:47 am

  7. That “Crusty Old Texas Seal” is my husband! And what a wonderful person he is,I can’t even imagine walking in his shoes & seeing the things that he’s seen….. or would I want to???This story kinda makes you stop & think for a moment,But you know what…A LOT OF PEOPLE DON’T ,it’s just an extened day off of work & a Holiday to them.We need to get the message out of what the TRUE reason is for this SO CALLED HOLIDAY & I’m sure a lot of people can relate..

    Comment by Jennifer — May 28, 2007 @ 12:54 am

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