mlah The “culture” that has evolved here isn’t conducive to sissies

April 17, 2004

Shoes, a Guys Perspective

Filed under: Humor — mlah @ 1:41 pm

Doc Martins

i don’t really care about shoes that much. they just get you from here to there. right? i do need a pair of new sneakers though. my nike’s cross trainers are 6-7 years old. they’re getting kind of tired. and i actually do run a fair amount.

man, do chicks care about shoes.

we had a congressman come through our workcenter this last friday. shlemeel, shlimauzal. i don’t really care. but, he is a congressman. that means the project managers and the like do care. and they get worked up into a frenzy over these types of things.

so we all had to don our best duds to look good.

the project managers were amazed that they actually got all of the contracters into suits and ties.

can y’all see where this is going?

and to top it all off, the congressman came and went. i never saw him, and he never saw me.

not a big deal. so i cleaned me cube, and wore a tie. no harm, and my cube needed a cleaning.

enter rachael.

she works in the cube across from me.

and is a shoe fetishista.

seems my choice of doc martins were not up to her standards. she even lectured me on all of the good intel she can develop about a man by his choice of shoes.

does he dress nice all of the time? is he married or single? gay? lots of other stuff too, but like i cared.

she elaborated to include wrist watches. with the same kind of intel gathering effects. she claims that a digital watch indicates a sloppy man who will take ‘short cuts’. i wasn’t wearing a watch (fortunately).

first, she ridiculed me. but that wasn’t enough. then she called all of my coworkers in the immediate area over to point out ny shoes, and subject me to further humiliation.

then, she got on the phone and started calling other women, and notifying them of my shoe faux pas.

will it never end?

guess where i’m going in a few minutes? the mall.

guess what i’m buying? shoes.

guess who i’m taking with me.

evidently, i’m in shoe hell.


  1. Hehe, somehow the image of 6-7 year old Nike’s conjured up the image of smells. Couldn’t help but remember how you’d hide your smelly socks under the chair in the den and laugh with glee as we all played hide and seek til we found the offending odor. But then you were just a kid, surely your shoes and socks don’t smell now that you are grown. Aunt Rose

    Comment by Rose — April 17, 2004 @ 9:03 pm

  2. Rachael was right to admonish you for wearing Doc Martins with slacks and tie…MAJOR faux pas, dude!

    And coming from THE shoe fetishist extraordinaire, shoes do say a lot about a person.

    How many times have you picked on me for my funky selection of shoes on casual Friday? Yes, I take my casual Friday attire to the extreme.

    There’s nothing worse than seeing a gentleman in a suit that’s fairly decent, and your eye wanders down to his feet, and he’s got on scuffed up brown leather dock shoes, or some equivalent. That yells “I’m a fake”.

    Good for Rachael, I’m on her side.

    But we still love ya!

    Madame Butterfly

    Comment by Madame Buttterfly — April 18, 2004 @ 9:55 am

  3. i was NOT wearing a suit thank you. just slacks, and a tie.

    Comment by mlah — April 18, 2004 @ 1:37 pm

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