mlah The “culture” that has evolved here isn’t conducive to sissies

March 21, 2004


Filed under: Sea Stories — mlah @ 11:17 pm

Me, Jay, and Jessica


i don’t know why this popped into my head. it’s an old story about what we used to do in spain.

my first tour, i was always hanging out with a bunch of guys fresh from language school. we all belonged to something we called ‘twawsi’. it stood for ‘the world as we see it’. it was kind of the opposite of the hee-man woman haters club, if you can imagine that. check out me and jay, and english girl named jessica to the right. we’re eating cherries. i’ll not elaborate on that.

then there was ‘twatsi’, which of course was ‘the world as they see it’. you know who they are.

being in twawsi pretty much meant drinking. and women. preferably irish. there are stories in that as well.

one day, while playing madden football at the twawsi mansion, Jason Hagman started screaming and yelling while in the bathroom.

no, not that kind of a problem.

ok now, first, i have to fill you in on a side story that leads up to this.

another twawsi member, who i won’t name, but his initials are ROGER LEIKNESS, had gone to the commisary. he bought some 15 bags of groceries. the brown bags. and since he had come home, to an empty twawsi house, he had to carry them all in by himself.

Dave Burch looks on as Jay Hagman tries to hug Bill Larger, and Jesse Swanson takes an illegal piss next to the main drag in Rota.

no big deal right?

he just opened up the car and grabbed a couple of bags and started carrying them in. 2 down. 2 more, 2 more still…….

finally, he was down to his last three bags. he debated carrying all three at the same time….. but what the hell, it was a beautifull day, he was off. he had 7 more days off. what’s the hurry?

he carried two.

and came back to an empty car.

he looked down the road only to see our nemesis, the gypsy king running away, carrying a bag of groceries. a brown bag. and the spanish don’t have those. only the plastic.

so he knew.

let it go? maybe. get pissed off? not worth it. get even? it was a moral imperative.

roger didn’t tell a soul. not for a week.

Me, Helene and Suzanne Cleary. I was smashed of course

he emptied a folgers coffee can, one of the big ones, and put it and the lid in the bathroom. and for a week, he crapped in this coffee can.

now, return to jay screaming in the bathroom. he had just discovered the coffee can. he’d seen it there all week. and just finally got around to wondering why there was a coffee can in the can, so to speak.

he found out in a rude way.

that was roger’s plan. but for the gypsy king.

oh, the gypsy king was the obnoxious gypsy who would chase us while we were out drinking and beg. he also sold drugs. really he sold flowers, for a very high price, and there would be a little something tied to the flower stems. anybody doing business with this particular guy was subject to urinalysis exam.

we avoided the gypsy king as best we could. and we despised him. he would always cramp your style.

roger wanted payback.

i watched as he wrapped the coffee can in birthday present paper. then set it in his car. unlocked. with the windows down.

we heard him come. roger saw him. the SAME guy. roger gave chase. and roger is FAST. but he didn’t really intend to catch this guy now did he?

the gypsy king got away. carrying a 5 pound can of crap.

we refered to it simply as the ‘folgers load’.

we went drinking that night. and there he was. i couldn’t believe he still actually tried to sell us flowers. we tried many things to get him to leave us alone, including just paying him, none of them worked.

except for this night.

as the gypsy king asked jay if he wanted to buy some ‘flowers’, roger hopped off of his barstool and said ‘no, i want some coffee, got some coffee for me?’

that was a good night.

Elsewhere –> Red Sugar brought to my attention the dancing dog if you don’t have high speed internet, don’t try to watch.


  1. Hmmm, and the coffee I buy is Folger’s. Will never look at the can again without thinking of Folgers Load. LOL Rose

    Comment by Aunt Rose — March 22, 2004 @ 7:48 pm

  2. Ah…youth.

    Comment by Da Goddess — March 23, 2004 @ 12:23 am

  3. AWESOME!!!

    One time when I was younger a friend in my group had spent the day being an asshole to everyone. We had decided to go for some food in the food court at the mall. We all got our food and sat down to eat. He mistakenly decided to go and clean up before eating. While he was gone we dumped 3 full ashtrays in to his drink. Granted, they were small food court ashtrays. This was back before smoking in malls was banned. Here’s the sick part. They guy didn’t even notice! We all sat there stiffling laughter… When he talked you could see ashes on his teeth but never noticed… and he kept being an asshole…

    Comment by Sean — March 25, 2004 @ 12:17 pm

  4. Thanks for the story, Dave. Twas a good one.

    Comment by Alan — March 27, 2004 @ 11:45 am

  5. Just thought I would say that my friend Frank, who is still an Army Ranger is going back to Iraq in a few weeks. He was one of the creators of “Twawsi”.

    Comment by Lisa — July 24, 2004 @ 3:27 pm

RSS feed for comments on this post.

Leave a comment

Powered by WordPress