mlah The “culture” that has evolved here isn’t conducive to sissies

February 22, 2004

Beer Pong

Filed under: Humor — mlah @ 1:38 pm

Rose and Gene shoot their beers after hitting an opposing beer can

these are bowie, maryland rules for beer pong.

i spent last night over at js’ house, in the basement, playing beer pong. i think this game is native to the east coast, if not maryland alone. i’d never heard of it ’til i got here. and there are apparently many different versions. we played bowie rules.

oh yeah, there will be some author’s embellishment in this post.

each person gets a fresh, cold, unshaken, and unopened beer. you make teams. 2 people per. you decide which half of your side of the ping pong table you’re going to dominate (and let me tell you, i dominated). then you have to place your beer (preferably a can. bottles are too easy) on the table. if you are on the right side of the table, you place your right arm on the table, elbow on the edge, and put the beer an armlength in from the edge. then you use your left arm to push the beer out an armlength. be careful, challenges for an ‘elbow check’ can result in penalty drinks!

John had to drink coke, since he is underage

let the game begin! you volley for serve just like regualr ping pong. then, you try to hit your opponents cans. when your team hits a can for the first time in a game, it is refered to as an ‘open’. the team that hit the can gets to open their beers. the other team must still hit a can for themselves to get an ‘open’.

oh, don’t hit your own can. that falls under the ‘drunk bastard’ category, and counts as a hit for the other team.

then, after you have ‘opened’, each time you hit an opponent beer, your opponents have to chase the ball. you get to drink until they catch it and yell ‘stop’. doesn’t matter where the ball goes. it’s like golf, play it where it lies. i even saw somebody catch a ball and then launch it across the room. much to the dismay of dot. (now, you’ll have to leave a comment, if you want to refute it!) it was a long time before she yelled ‘stop’ on that play.

uh huh. there was a little fudging on the stop calls last night.

seems some people think it is strategic to yell ‘stop’ halfway to the ball. nevermind that the ball is bouncing under the airhockey table and they are too afarid of the spiders to get under there and get it. we had to institute neutral ‘stop’ callers to decrease the effect of bogus ‘stop’ calling.

after both people on a team have finished their beers, (though rapid drinking and multiple beer hittings) you notify your opponents you are finished by giving them a ‘coutesy’ call. you simply tell them ‘we’re done, coutesy’. then the next time you hit the can, you win!

this is one fo the few games where the winner actually gets to drink, and the losers have to watch.

Little JS tried the smack down on Chien, my TKD instructor

the game resulted in many curious shenanigans. just imagine ping pong paddles in the hands of drunk men. there was also some yelling of ‘smack down!’ whenever one of the wee small children ventured into the competition area. Yes, black belts are just as dangerous drunk.

over the course of the night, the real beer pong players began to show themselves. initially, some of the ladies talked a lot of smack, only to be repeatedly and thoroughly defeated by the spiders under the airhockey table.

Than gets his body english on as Chien has no idea where the ball is

gray and i had limited success at the beginning of the night, but as the night wore on, our many years of beer conditioning (mine in the navy, his in law school) began to show through. we had competition.

initially, the team of “than (jumpin jack flash) and tom (master beer shooter)” was pretty dominant. it seems that tom has a ping pong table at home and had been practicing. i don’t know how than was doing so well, other than his unique mexican jumping bean style of applying english to the ball. it usually resulted in his opponents laughing too hard to be able to either chase the ball or drink.

Tom strikes a pose. Seems the beer is easier to shoot on one knee

tom was prone to drop to one knee immediately on hitting a can, simulateously throwing the can back for more rapid beer consumption. as pictured to the right.

it was all to no avail. as the night wore on, gray and i were banned from the table, for multiple thrashings of all comers! the team of rose and gene was a close third. big js, marisa, dot, john sc, and mv all tried their hands but were distant pack drinkers.


  1. distant pack drinker?! Who’re you callin a distant pack drinker? I won 2 out of 4 games last night pal, remember? Or did you win a little too often?

    Comment by john sc — February 22, 2004 @ 3:32 pm

  2. yeah, that pepsi was really working you over….

    Comment by mlah — February 22, 2004 @ 4:08 pm

  3. Oh yeah. Pepsi kicks ass.

    Comment by john sc — February 23, 2004 @ 4:51 pm

  4. John?!?! Where’d you go?!?! Oh, there you are!!! It was a combination of you being turned to the side and the camo pants!!! HAHAHAHAHA

    Comment by Mike V. — February 23, 2004 @ 6:32 pm

  5. i want to play!

    Comment by Mark — February 23, 2004 @ 7:19 pm

  6. dot, is the next tournament in your basement? people want to play……

    Comment by mlah — February 23, 2004 @ 10:32 pm

  7. Oh yeah. Invisible and drinkin Pepsi…. can’t touch this.

    Comment by John sc — February 24, 2004 @ 8:09 pm

  8. The next tournament IS at my house. I don’t know if our pad is as great though. No basketball and I guarantee that the food will not be as good!!!

    Comment by Dot — February 25, 2004 @ 2:08 pm

  9. the food better be good. and next time, get mountain dew!!

    Comment by john sc — February 25, 2004 @ 5:22 pm

  10. we can cater the food. mickey d’s?

    Comment by mlah — February 26, 2004 @ 2:55 pm

  11. Dude, mickey d’s? Are you joking? They suck monkey butt. Wendy’s all the way biznatch.

    Comment by john sc — February 26, 2004 @ 9:13 pm

  12. i said cater…. mickey d’s is a bad joke in all occasions. i was thinking, like famous dave’s….

    Comment by mlah — February 27, 2004 @ 12:17 am

  13. Big johnnie is on the board…Hey john sc, aka medium john, you may be ok in pepsi pong and king in TDK, but how about some round ball? I don’t think we got a chance to play. You were too busy running around playing leonardo or was it rafael?

    Comment by BJ — March 2, 2004 @ 12:23 pm

  14. what is tdk? is there some recorded joke i don’t know about?

    bj? roundball? sounds funny to me!

    and dot, when is the next convening of the beer pong festival. we need to invite mr. grace.

    Comment by mlah — March 2, 2004 @ 9:12 pm

  15. tdk = taedokwon, sorry meant TKD! mlah, keep your mind out of the gutter, ie. bj & roundball.

    Comment by BJ — March 3, 2004 @ 11:42 am

  16. bring the roundball bj! way to go on the tdk… nice typing skills.

    Comment by john — March 4, 2004 @ 2:20 pm

  17. yes, thats me right up there… misspelled my own name…

    Comment by john sc — March 4, 2004 @ 2:22 pm

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